I had 2 hours sleep last night. 2 hours! There are 2 reasons for this. The first one being that I worry about this pregnancy to no end. I scrutinize every twinge and every symptom. The second reason is because the steroids pump me up. I am a maniac. My poor husband!
I have continued to do pregnancy tests. I am sending myself insane (which the steroids are doing to me too). The line isn't getting any darker any more. Then I try and convince myself that pregnancy tests have to reach their maximum point of darkness. Then my rational side disappears and I am a nutcase all over again.
I have had a few cramps today which have freaked me out. I actually told my first 'in real life' friend today about this pregnancy. I know that she will be supportive if something goes wrong.
I wish I could be happy and excited but all I feel is fear and worry.
I think it's normal for you to feel predominantly fear and worry.
ReplyDeleteI also think you wouldn't expect the tests to be getting darker anymore. Stop testing! You'll only drive yourself mad.
I asked my FS about cramps (I have them everyday and they freak me out). He said they're completely normal, so I'm trying not to worry about them anymore.
Hang in there. I can imagine how hard it must be...
you need to start enjoying the fact that you're pregnant.
ReplyDeleteof course i completely UNDERSTAND why you're nervous and worried and stressed BUT right now you're pregnant and one day spent worrying is a day you're not enjoying this pregnancy.
pregnancy tests will reach a certain point and then stop darkening.
STOP. BREATH. ENJOY.
xx
Time to take 'time out'. Obsessing about what your little one is doing in there isn't going to make things better for you or it. You need to find a way to let go of the tension, adrenaline can inhibit other good pregnancy hormones. Eat more chocolate, meditate, swimm, dance, enjoy some good kissing. You need some serious Endorphins, honey.
ReplyDeleteSorry but I have to disagree with the previous commenters. You don't NEED to start enjoying anything. How could you possibly enjoy it??? And of course obsessing isn't going to help, but how on earth do you just stop? For most of us it's not that easy to just switch thoughts and emotions on and off in a situation like this, especially given what you've been through. The one thing that is guaranteed is that worrying about being stressed, worrying about not 'enjoying it' and trying to force yourself to obsessing will only make you more stressed.
ReplyDeleteBe stressed. Be a complete headcase. You'd have to be a robot to not feel like you do.
"For most of us it's not that easy to just switch thoughts and emotions on and off in a situation like this, especially given what you've been through"
ReplyDeleteyou're right. my comments come from a place of having been there myself - LOTS of times, i've lost more babies than i care to count and each time i do i remember thinking - "i'd wished i'd just stopped worrying and enjoyed it, even for a moment".
so i don't say the things i do lightly, nor do i say them from a place of never having known what it's like to be pregnant after loss because i do MANY times.