My blood tests have started. My first one required 14 tubes of blood. The lady was wiggling the needle by the end as my blood flow was slowing down. I am already sick of them! I have to be there by 7am and I am thrown because my husband either starts work at 5am or gets home at 4.30am after a night shift so I am lacking in the sleep department. It looks like my endometrial biopsy will be towards the end of the month (in Sydney).
Lately I have been feeling really down. Almost ready to give up. Travelling back and forth to Sydney (which is about 5.5 hours or more away) is doing my head in. I don't have any energy anymore. I am starting to doubt myself and think that if my failure of a body has not given me a baby by now then it probably never will. I have tried to be strong the last few years but my strength is wearing thin.
I have Dexter, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters and One Tree Hill to watch tonight so hopefully that will distract me for a while. I can't even go to a supermarket these days without having a mini anxiety attack because my angels aren't here with me and yet, I am surrounded by so many women and their gorgeous bumps and babies. It's depressing to say the least.
I'm not surprised that you're feeling down. You've been through SO much. A 5.5 hours trip to Sydney is ridiculous. I'm sure that adds a lot of stress to an already horrendous process.
ReplyDeleteWishing you strength. xx
I'm not very good with advice but hang in there! xxx
ReplyDeleteWow, this is an awesome idea Amanda. I have to say it made me quite emotional in reading this. You are a brave and strong woman. I am encouraged by you, and your story. HUGS.xx
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