So, as I was saying... Post # 2

So, as I was saying from my last entry, I thought that my husband and I could pick up and we started trying for a baby again.

A few weeks later after being told I lost the baby, something felt wrong. Very wrong. I rang the doctor and booked in. He scheduled an ultrasound for me later that week. I went in to the ultrasound and I was told that I had not passed the baby and to contact my doctor. I was so scared. I had read that if you retain the baby (or 'product' as they call it) then it can lead to serious infection and hemorrhaging. I just didn't want to deal with it. I was trying to move forward and instead I was a sobbing mess.

I booked in for my D&C as my doctor had told me to do. I still remember it clearly. It was Easter and the doctors were so nice. They don't usually open the theatres during Easter but did. They let my husband come in to the recovery once I woke up.

10 days had passed and I still felt something was wrong. I felt sick and horrible. I had another scan to find out that they didn't get any of the 'retained product'. I couldn't believe it. I remember just breaking down and crying. Why couldn't this be over? Hadn't I dealt with enough? I booked in to see a private ob, who was at the end of his career, but in my home town there was really no one else to choose from. He said he would perform another D&C and that I would be fine by the weekend, as I was bridesmaid for one of my best friends.

I was out of hospital Thursday and travelled to my friend's town on the Friday. I was so tired and my breasts were still massive and sore. My breasts barely fitted into the bridesmaid dress! On the Saturday, while the girls and I were getting ready for the wedding, I went to the toilet and noticed I was losing a lot of blood. Heaps. I had to call my husband and get him to bring me some extra pads. I tried to ignore it as I wanted to be a good bridesmaid and focus on my friend getting married that day. No one suspected anything.

That night, I remember feeling so unwell and my husband and I went back to our hotel room and I was extremely hot and bothered. I felt so sick and was still losing blood.

The next morning, we quickly had breakfast, then left. As we arrived back in my home town, I didn't even get to go home (I wanted to see my 10 week old puppy). My husband had to take me straight to emergency at the hospital. He left me there so he could take home my luggage and feed our puppy and then he was coming back. The nurse got me straight in as they could tell something was wrong. They brought the on call ob down to check on me. I remember her doing an internal then afterwards she had this blank look on her face. I looked down and the entire sheet and floor was covered in my blood. She tried to keep me calm. I was hooked up to an IV bag straight away to increase my fluids as I was dehydrated. I was wheeled up to the surgical ward and the private ob who did my 2nd D&C was called. They thought it was possible that I had a molar pregnancy as they checked my hcg hormone level (which should have been 0 as I had 2 D&C's and the baby was not alive). My hcg hormone levels a few weeks earlier were 44,000. That day they were about 200,000. Obviously I was scared and didn't understand why my hormones were continuing to rise if the baby was not alive.

The private ob did a 3rd D&C with an ultrasound (which to me, is so outdated, he could have used a hysteroscopy). He could not get to the product and was not sure why. He had never dealt with a case like mine before. My lining was very thick and my hormones were continuing to rise.

The next day I woke up and was told I was being flown by air ambulance to a bigger hospital in Newcastle (about 4 hours from my home town). I was frightened to say the least. I arrived that afternoon and somehow felt relieved when I got there. The hospital was amazing and after meeting the nurses and doctors (I was in the oncology/gynecology unit) I felt safe. They were incredible. The nurses gave me my own room with my own bathroom and came in to have chats with me. Their nickname for me was 'worms' because I wouldn't stop eating Cheezels and chocolate.

The next morning I woke up and met my doctor. I won't say his name on here, just his initials. Dr K.J. He was so lovely and seemed very determined to get to the bottom of it. Rather than going straight back for a 4th D&C, he did x-rays to make sure that if it was a molar pregnancy (pre-cancerous) that there were no spots on my lungs. It was all clear. Next, I had an MRI. All clear (the mass was inside my uterus and not anywhere else). I had blood tests about everyday. They checked my poo, my wee, my blood clots, you name it. There was a chance I was going to have to go on Methotrexate (a form of chemo) to kill of the particles in hope I would expell the 'retained product'. One night, I still remember clearly. I went into what felt like labour. I was screaming and in so much pain. I had to keep going to the toilet, even though nothing happened when I went to the toilet. I couldn't bare it, especially knowing that I was not getting a baby after all this pain. I can't even describe it. After 5 hours, I was given morphine which helped quite a bit.

The next morning, the doctor had me in for a 4th D&C and he was using a hysteroscopy so he could see where he was going. He got it all! I think the labour helped loosen the product. He said he checked for scarring of my endometrium lining with the hysteroscopy camera but could not see any.

To cut a long story short, I was sent home and had to have some blood tests to make sure my hormones were going down and were staying down. I was checked on for the next few months. All up, I bled for 50 days so it was a delight when I got to stop wearing pads. This all happened in March/April 2008.

After a very long time, I eventually got my period back. I think it took 3 months. So then, our baby making journey began (again).

Until next time...